Part 2
September 10, 2006
A few minutes later, the guard came back downstairs with two other prison guards, both high ranking Captains. I could tell that they were captains because of their padded chainmail.
Before the first guard realised his ideal crime scene had changed, he told the captains his fabricated story, while they looked around and just stared at him with disbelief. When he saw their angry expressions, he looked at my cell, and then the cell of the dead prisoner, and started crying. Pathetic. He then still tried to explain that I had killed the other prisoner, and said that he had no idea what happened after that. Thankfully the captains didn’t believe him, and without a word, they seized him and carried him upstairs. I don’t know what his punishment will be, but I have a feeling he’ll soon be living in one of these cells. And since nothing will be happening for a while, I think I’ll enjoy the silence by taking a much needed rest.
September 15, 2006 at 2:46 pm
Overall, it seems like an interesting story. Your writing needs some polish, but do not be discouraged by that! Everyone’s writing needs polish! The best thing you could do for yourself (judging by your work here) is read a lot and write every day. You’ll find you’re emulating what you read in what you write, you’ll be copying style unintentionally. That’s OK, we all start with that. Switch up the style of what you read regularly, and you’ll carry the stuff you like through all the transitions in your writing. After a while, you’ll have found your “voice” having poached it from the styles of others.
Also, it’s a good idea to be well versed in the rules that govern our crazy language. I didn’t see any glaring grammatical errors, but every writer should have a grammar book anyway.
Keep it up, SS!
P.S. I’m confused about the setting. Maybe take some time to describe the guard a little better, so we know what time/world we’re in. At first I assume it’s modern, and then a sword appears all of a sudden. It should be pretty clear from the get go.
September 15, 2006 at 7:50 pm
Thanks for the advice Basil. Sorry about the vague setting. I made a few changes.